the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
