i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
