i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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