Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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