After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
