Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
