Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
