Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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