I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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