ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
