Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
