I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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