When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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