i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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