i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
