I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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