..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
