Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
