god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
