My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
