That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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