yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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