You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
