It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
