i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
