VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
