I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
