can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
