What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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