yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
