You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
