you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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