i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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