Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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