my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
