i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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