I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
