you guys were way drunker than both of me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
