the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
