Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
