i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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