you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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