She is in my trunk
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
