you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
