the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
