tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am spending my child support on dildos
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
