Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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