google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
is wine microwaveable?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
