My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
