I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
