just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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