your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
