It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
