i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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