In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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