he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
