I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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