Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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